Interpersonal conflict. Well, that's life isn't it?

Reflection:
I would like to share an important skill learnt during the mini presentation in class on Monday. It was good that Brad pointed out my mistake when I forgot to define the topic of our presentation which was EQ and went on straight to discuss the answers. I felt that it was really useful, especially for the audience to be mentally prepared on the subject matter within the context intended by the speaker.

Therefore, in this blog post, allow me to define what ‘interpersonal conflict’ is. The word ‘conflict’ itself is almost like a taboo; many people avoid conflicts because they hold the common misconception that conflicts are negative. In fact, conflict can take on a totally different point of view if given a positive spin. It expands limitations and opens up possibilities. Conflict is a disagreement between people with opposing opinions or principles, as quoted from the Cambridge Advance Learner’s Dictionary. To me, interpersonal conflict refers to a disagreement that happens in a relationship.

In my 21 years of life, I am relieved to say that I experienced only very few and brief interpersonal conflicts. However, that does not qualify me as an effective communicator simply because I am one of those people who tend to shy away from interpersonal conflicts. Perhaps this is due to the environment I was brought up in. My family value courtesy, kindness and respect. I am also the eldest in my family. Most of the time, I would rather give in and hardly let any conflict arise. As I grow up, I realised this may not be a wise move - after all there are times that I should stand up for myself!

Here’s my hypothetical interpersonal conflict, crafted and modified based on my personal experience. I am the head of the Publications Committee and Jo*, a good friend of mine is a member. Her idiosyncrasy is something I can tolerate outside the committee. With her knowing me on a personal level, she is complacent, does not report well and has been frequently extending deadlines for her articles. She thinks that by tolerating her character outside as a friend gives her the privilege to act nonchalantly in the committee.

I feel a sense of resentment and anguish at the thought of being used as an absorber to cushion all her irresponsible acts. It hurts to know my friend is manipulating her association with me. If this continues, it can also reflect a bad impression on me. The problem here is to find the best way to tell Jo the problem without letting it have any adverse effects on our friendship. She is a very sensitive person. How should I go about saying it? Or should I? She may be accusing me of pinning her down due to some ridiculous or random reasons.

Ironically for me, working together with someone I am close to is much harder than with a person whom I associate with purely on the working basis. (Anyone out there who shares my sentiment?) This is because I tend to be apprehensive about the repercussions if something nasty turns out. Of course, a win-win situation is preferred, but how do I achieve that? How is it possible to separate work from personal life?

In my opinion, the above is an interpersonal conflict because how I deal with this matter will affect my relationship with Jo, either for the better or worse. I see this as a conflict because it is a hindrance in working effectively in my committee.

*Jo is a fictitious character. :)

Effective Communication Skills and ME!

Communication is inevitable in our lives and I believe almost everyone will agree to this. It is the very fundamental human survival skill that even a baby has grasp since birth. We all communicate, but how many of us are communicating effectively? It is the latter that takes a whole new dimension. Firstly, effective communication not only encompasses the ability to accurately exchange messages between the speaker and listener. In my opinion, it includes the capability to influence others and create a comfortable environment for sharing.

Let’s just face it. Effective communication skills are important for me to succeed in life. These are the skills I need to get what I want. For example, I will be doing my internship next year as part of the requirement for my major. Being effective in communication is the stepping stone – an impressive application letter and an outstanding interview are where it all starts. Those are how the first impression of me will be created in the eyes of the prospective employer.

I think that effective communication skills promote better understanding in the social arena. Knowing how and when to speak up can motivate others and avoid many unnecessary conflicts. Citing real life examples put things in perspective. I join several CCAs in my hall of residence, KEVII Hall. Therefore when I lead, communicating effectively helps me to actively engage team members in activities and give clear instructions.

I sometimes experience a fine line between doing someone a favour and rejecting it, especially when the person is my friend. I do hope that the courage to pen it here will spur me to be more assertive when the need arises. Way to go! Finally, I also need to learn how to be precise and concise. So, I shall stop here and not broach the subject further to prove this point. :)

How it started..

I can only partially say that this is the first time I blog because I started sometime ago but failed to maintain it after one post! Haha, I know this sounds ridiculous. It was perhaps due to lack of enthusiasm and there was nothing much to share about my life with the rest of the world.

Nevertheless, I dare proclaim now that this blog will stay active for at least a semester. The reason is obvious – blogging is part of meeting the requirements for the module I am currently taking as an elective, which is ES2007S – Professional Communication. Now, my blog address does make sense right? Being a newbie in blogging, I hope to pick up skills along the way and most importantly benefit from this module. Who knows, this may be the first step to change my conservative view about blogging.

It is only Week 2 and I foresee a busy semester ahead of me (is this even surprising? =P). Despite that, I look forward to the remaining of my Year 2 in NUS being enjoyable, fun and fulfilling! Discover and learn more each day!