Interpersonal conflict. Well, that's life isn't it?

Reflection:
I would like to share an important skill learnt during the mini presentation in class on Monday. It was good that Brad pointed out my mistake when I forgot to define the topic of our presentation which was EQ and went on straight to discuss the answers. I felt that it was really useful, especially for the audience to be mentally prepared on the subject matter within the context intended by the speaker.

Therefore, in this blog post, allow me to define what ‘interpersonal conflict’ is. The word ‘conflict’ itself is almost like a taboo; many people avoid conflicts because they hold the common misconception that conflicts are negative. In fact, conflict can take on a totally different point of view if given a positive spin. It expands limitations and opens up possibilities. Conflict is a disagreement between people with opposing opinions or principles, as quoted from the Cambridge Advance Learner’s Dictionary. To me, interpersonal conflict refers to a disagreement that happens in a relationship.

In my 21 years of life, I am relieved to say that I experienced only very few and brief interpersonal conflicts. However, that does not qualify me as an effective communicator simply because I am one of those people who tend to shy away from interpersonal conflicts. Perhaps this is due to the environment I was brought up in. My family value courtesy, kindness and respect. I am also the eldest in my family. Most of the time, I would rather give in and hardly let any conflict arise. As I grow up, I realised this may not be a wise move - after all there are times that I should stand up for myself!

Here’s my hypothetical interpersonal conflict, crafted and modified based on my personal experience. I am the head of the Publications Committee and Jo*, a good friend of mine is a member. Her idiosyncrasy is something I can tolerate outside the committee. With her knowing me on a personal level, she is complacent, does not report well and has been frequently extending deadlines for her articles. She thinks that by tolerating her character outside as a friend gives her the privilege to act nonchalantly in the committee.

I feel a sense of resentment and anguish at the thought of being used as an absorber to cushion all her irresponsible acts. It hurts to know my friend is manipulating her association with me. If this continues, it can also reflect a bad impression on me. The problem here is to find the best way to tell Jo the problem without letting it have any adverse effects on our friendship. She is a very sensitive person. How should I go about saying it? Or should I? She may be accusing me of pinning her down due to some ridiculous or random reasons.

Ironically for me, working together with someone I am close to is much harder than with a person whom I associate with purely on the working basis. (Anyone out there who shares my sentiment?) This is because I tend to be apprehensive about the repercussions if something nasty turns out. Of course, a win-win situation is preferred, but how do I achieve that? How is it possible to separate work from personal life?

In my opinion, the above is an interpersonal conflict because how I deal with this matter will affect my relationship with Jo, either for the better or worse. I see this as a conflict because it is a hindrance in working effectively in my committee.

*Jo is a fictitious character. :)